Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Death Squads to Put the Terror Back Into Australis

Prime Minister John Howard announced on Monday that trained Death Squads will patrol Australia’s streets from mid-2005, killing innocent civilians at random.

The initiative follows concerns that Islamist extremists are attempting to import their own brand of terrorism onto Australian soil. In a statement, the PM said, "These attempts by outsiders are a danger to our way of life. Australian citizens expect and deserve to be terrorised by locally-based lunatics. The new Death Squads will protect our national honour by providing bloody mayhem by Australians for Australians."

Entrepreneur Dick Smith has put his name to the project, saying that "For too long these foreign types have been coming here and taking our jobs, our livelihoods, our kids’ future. It’s time to fight back, with Dick Smith’s Brand Death Squads. This time we’re taking our own lives, our own kids’ future!"

The distinctly Australian Death Squads will ride around in the back of Holden utes, decked out in Drizabone camouflage gear and ugg boots. It is expected that locally produced terror, backed by American capital, will become a major export market for Australia within the next five years.

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