Australia’s academic and cultural elites have dismissed right-wing columnist Andrew Bolt’s latest attempt to join their gang.
While enjoying a taxpayer-funded latte and baguette brunch at a small, inner-city café, elite spokesperson Robert Manne told Sterne that Bolt’s application had been rejected "for obvious reasons".
"Andrew needs to understand," Mr Manne said, "that we’re running a sinister left-wing elite here. The presence of a right-winger could seriously disrupt our campaign to undermine mainstream Australian society by means of secular, humanist brainwashing."
Fellow elite David Marr concurred. "What’s the point of having an elite if you just let anybody in? Besides, I doubt whether Andrew would be capable of mastering the gang’s secret handshake. It’s quite tricky."
Sterne contacted several other prominent elites, but all were too busy disseminating subversive anti-Australian propaganda to comment.
Mr Bolt expressed disappointment at the decision. "This graphically demonstrates the insular, exclusive nature of our so-called intelligentsia. My wife even baked them a nice cake, and they still wouldn’t let me in," he said, before storming off in a huff.