Sunday, February 27, 2005

Politically Incorrect Celebrity Actually Just An Arsehole

Former Geelong footballer and media celebrity John "Sammy" Newman, whose controversial minority-baiting antics have long been feted as refreshingly non-conformist and politically incorrect, last week revealed that he is, in fact, simply an old-fashioned arsehole.

In a statement, Newman said that while he had often dismissed criticism of his brash public persona as evidence of "political correctness gone mad", he was now willing to concede that it was more likely caused by the fact that he can't open his mouth without saying something incredibly stupid and degrading.

"In the past I have defended myself using broad socio-political arguments, painting myself as the victim of a monolithic lobby of politically correct whingers," Newman said. "I now recognise, however, that whatever the social context, my behaviour tends towards the reprehensible. I guess I really am just a fucking prick."

Gavin Tate from the League of Outraged Citizens applauded Newman's confession, although he had some reservations.

"As a person with an anus, I object to Mr Newman's use of the term 'arsehole' in its pejorative sense," Mr Tate told Sterne. "However, the spirit of his statement is commendable."

Newman's confession is already having a negative impact on his media career, with Channel Nine expressing its disapproval in a private meeting with the star on Friday. The network later released the following statement:

"Deprived of its 'culture war' context, Sam Newman's schtick is rendered indefensible, and as such we are in negotiations over the nature of his role at Nine."

Newman was unavailable for comment, but Gavin Tate has assured the beleaguered star of his organisation's support.

"It is an outrage that Mr Newman can be victimised simply because he possesses an objectionable personality. Repulsive, bigoted members of the community have the same rights as anybody else. I call on Channel Nine to retain Mr Newman as an inspiring example to other juvenile boneheads who are unfairly denied opportunities on the basis of their being, in Mr Newman's words, 'fucking pricks'."


Jo said...

Further shocking revelation: Man dressing up as woman is, in fact, not as side-splittingly funny as first assumed! It's not a tongue-in-cheek nod to queer culture BUT in fact, rather offensive! Footy Show writers TAKE NOTE!

KT said...

1) Why is it ok for gay men to dress up as women but if a straight man does the same it is offensive?

2) Why is it ok for queer culture to parody straights, for example at the Mardi Gras, but the reverse is offensive?