Sunday, June 05, 2005

Benefit Concert Fails To Benefit Concert-Goers

Rock Relief 2005, a benefit concert staged yesterday to raise funds for the fight against gillettefuhrerphobia was, according to many who attended, something of a failure as a concert, despite its noble intentions.

"I was all geared up for a day of public-spirited rocking out," Marcia Parsnip of Ellwood told Sterne. "But the line-up was lacklustre, to say the least."

In a statement released this morning, Jason Partridge, the event's promoter, defended his selection of acts.

"Every effort was made to secure the best possible line-up. If Les Gock, a John Butler impersonator - with authentic dreadlocks and hippy stench - and the guitarist from Skyhooks who wasn't Red Symonds can't move an audience, that's clearly the fault of the audience. I applaud these artists for taking time out from their busy schedule to support this worthy cause."

Gillettefuhrerphobia afflicts an estimated .005% of Australians, causing an irrational and debilitating fear of people wearing Hitler moustaches made out of shaving cream. It is the ten thousandth most common cause of death, and is particularly prevalent amongst women aged 102 to 103.

Yet despite contribution at least $50 towards research into the disorder, many concert-goers remained unsatisfied.

"For the first half hour or so I felt a kind of altruistic buzz, knowing that just by attending I was helping people suffering from whatever that stupid condition is," one man said. "But I was disappointed by the music on offer. By the time they got to the big finale, I was in need of a benefit concert myself."

"Do They Know It's Just Shaving Cream?", a single recorded by many of the acts involved in Rock Relief 2005, will be available in record store bargain bins from Monday.

2 comments:

Rex said...

I think someone needs to start up a charity and benefit gig for that most 21st century of illnesses: Compassion Fatigue

Tim said...

I agree. Compassion fatigue effects up to 30% of Australians. Not that I care - somehow I just can't work up any compassion for them, you know?