Friday, July 15, 2005

Briton Will Be Intimidated By Terrorists

Barry Spoon, chartered accountant and lifetime resident of Gasper-on-Stroke, Essex, says that despite Prime Minister Blair's defiant claim that Britons will not be intimidated by terrorists, personally he is shitting himself.

"This Briton is quite willing to be intimidated," Mr Spoon said. "If everybody else wants to continue about their business, that's fine, but don't come crying to me when you're a dismembered corpse."

Mr Spoon claims that the decision to live in fear was made long before last week's suicide bombings in London.

"I haven't left Gasper-on-Stroke since 9/11. For one thing, I've been far too busy stockpiling canned food, drinking water and shotgun ammunition.

"The fact is, terrorists could strike at anybody, anywhere, anytime. The only way to counter this is for us to become a nation of paranoid recluses. The terrorists hate our freedom, right? Well, once we give up being free, they're bound to leave us alone."

6 comments:

tigersnake said...

You don't need farce or satire. Try the real news:
TB; We won't be intimidated, we won't change our life.
TB; anti terror laws will need to be tightened.

Hull-fucking-O?

Tim said...

I agree. Humourless, self-righteous ranting from now on, then.

MrLefty said...

Tim, you crack me up. Why aren't you writing for The Onion or The Chaser?

tigersnake said...

Coz they're edited by self-aggrandizing fucksticks. Start your own...

Tim said...

The Chaser team may or may not be "fucksticks", but I don't see how they are any more "self-aggrandizing" than the average blogger. To apply the term to the cultural satire of The Onion is nonsensical.

mscynic said...

What Lefty said. You really are brilliantly funny.