Monday, August 22, 2005
The Weapon of Choice
Could it be? Is it true? Have all our Kwanzaas come at once?
Is this man the next president of the United States of Americainia? Pray, people. Pray to whatever dark and betentacled gods you believe in that it's so. Too long has the free world laboured under the leadership (so-called) of knaves, nymphos and knuckle-heads. Enough!
Isn't it time, my Americainian brothers/sisters, that you had a president that you can respect? That you can fear? Be terrified of, in fact - and not just 'cos he could explode us all, but because he might simply look at you?
The Western world will be safe again. Just think how easily high-level peace talks will be conducted, once Johnny Foreigner realises that the icy countenance across the table is in the habit of uttering phrases like, "Tell all the angels in Heaven, that you...never seen evil so singularly personified as you did in the face of the man who killed you," before emptying a clip into someone's head. Enemies of freedom are going to be soiling their weird national garb, I tell you.
The interweb being what it is (i.e. rubbish), this is likely a hoax - but no matter. You can make it true, people. Get writing, tell Chris you love him, let him know you want him for Pres. Just don't give your real name or address. You don't want him knowing where you live after all. Come the hour, come the man; Walken will not let us down. With him - and maybe Vice-President Mr. T - at the helm, there will be peace in our time (or hideous, violent, possibly supernatural death. It could go either way. But it will be cool).