Monday, August 22, 2005

The Weapon of Choice


Could it be? Is it true? Have all our Kwanzaas come at once?

Is this man the next president of the United States of Americainia? Pray, people. Pray to whatever dark and betentacled gods you believe in that it's so. Too long has the free world laboured under the leadership (so-called) of knaves, nymphos and knuckle-heads. Enough!

Isn't it time, my Americainian brothers/sisters, that you had a president that you can respect? That you can fear? Be terrified of, in fact - and not just 'cos he could explode us all, but because he might simply look at you?

The Western world will be safe again. Just think how easily high-level peace talks will be conducted, once Johnny Foreigner realises that the icy countenance across the table is in the habit of uttering phrases like, "Tell all the angels in Heaven, that you...never seen evil so singularly personified as you did in the face of the man who killed you," before emptying a clip into someone's head. Enemies of freedom are going to be soiling their weird national garb, I tell you.

The interweb being what it is (i.e. rubbish), this is likely a hoax - but no matter. You can make it true, people. Get writing, tell Chris you love him, let him know you want him for Pres. Just don't give your real name or address. You don't want him knowing where you live after all. Come the hour, come the man; Walken will not let us down. With him - and maybe Vice-President Mr. T - at the helm, there will be peace in our time (or hideous, violent, possibly supernatural death. It could go either way. But it will be cool).

3 comments:

Cozalcoatl said...

I wonder if little Johnny Howard would call him mate?

A friend in LA worked with him on one of "The Prophecy" movies.
She said he was freaky cool.

anti ob said...

Actually I think what she said was "Y'know what hes like in the movie? Well he's not acting... he's like that all the time."

If you haven't seen the movie you have no idea what I'm talking about, but he's actually slightly weirder than his norm in it, (which I guess means that normally hes acting slightly sane to play a part.)

Jon said...

'The Prophecy' was a damn fine turd of a movie. The shot where Walken is perched like a beaky, gangly gargoyle peering down into a yard of school-kids is a favourite of mine. Plus it had a young Viggo Mortensen shrieking and overacting rather impressively. Top shit. But still shit, o' course.