Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Dinner at Flicky's

Hi guys, welcome to Flicky's! My name is Rachel, I'll be your waitress today. Is it your first time dining with us? Well, let me just give you some background, you know, to enhance the experience. The restaurant you're sitting in started out many years ago as a Sizzler, then became in quick succession a Smorgy's, a Swagman's Sack, a Big Chief Steak 'n' Vittles Emporium, and a Planet Bollywood. Most recently it was part of the highly successful Fiddy's Grits chain, until 50 Cent withdrew his sponsorship. Of course, now it is the jewel in the crown of the Flicky's Restaurant empire. Mr Flick himself often stops by for a meal, or for a quick grope of the more attractive casual staff.

Anyway, enough with the history lesson - let's get some grub down your gullets! Specials today are: tender chicken giblets greased with Flicky's special blend of sauces; crumbed lamb cutlets with asparagus and raspberry ripple; cattle ends dipped in creamed peas; and Flicky's Surprise, which I'd advise you to avoid at all costs. Oh, and I should mention that due to an oversight by one of the bar staff, all drinks currently contain large quantities of alcohol. Kids, if your Coke tastes a little funny, don't fret too much - as part of our special Flicky's Lil Alco meal deal, you get a free vomit bucket to take home!

Ok, so everybody ready to order? Uh-huh. Let me just confirm all this. A World Famous Flicky's Burger with extra gristle for you, sir, a knobcrackle salad for you, ma'am, and a brace of Flicky's nuggets with a side of unwashed carrot tops for the young ones. Sounds good to me! Now I understand one of your party is celebrating their birthday today? And what's your name, sweetie? Jemima-Marie? Sweet chunks of Jesus - how are we going to fit that into Flicky's World Famous Birthday Sing-a-Long?

Ah, here are your meals. Now the knobcrackle salad is an extra large, so if you don't eat all the knobcrackle, ma'am, could I ask you to just set it aside and we can recycle it. It might interest you to learn that your own salad was constructed largely from last night's leftovers. Amazing, isn't it? While you eat, I hope you will take the time to check out some of the artifacts we've got hanging from the walls and ceiling. Mr Flick himself painstakingly collected these from rubbish tips the world over. This wheelbarrow, for example, once served as home for a family of four in the slums of Manila. Anyway, I'll leave you guys to it. Enjoy!

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