Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Batman Begins (Questioning His Sexuality)

Ever the shocked virgin on her wedding night, Hollywood is pretending to be scandalised again following the confirmation of some leaked news from Warner Bros. studios. Christopher Nolan, the director responsible for putting the lead back in the pencil of the Batman franchise, has verified the rumours that he plans to use the sequel to this year's unexpectedly OK film to push the traditional boundaries of the superhero genre.

"In Batman Begins, we wanted to explore the motives of our main character," Nolan stated in his media release. "We wanted to delve deeper into his psyche and discover exactly why he was driven to fight injustice, and how far he was willing to go to do so, and then build a gritty, realistic film around that concept as an exegisis of the workings of the criminal mind - except with ninjas and Gary Oldman and cool CG effects and stuff. Bruce Wayne had to become a dark, violent man in order to face an equally violent foe, capable of enough brutality to beat an unconcious man, and enough masochism to kiss Katie Holmes."

"Now that we've done that though, as artists, we want to move the franchise into new territory. I've always speculated as to why Batman feels the need to dress up all fancy and have a swishy cape and stuff... seeing his parents die and wanting to clean up the city and hanging about with ninjas aren't really reason enough for the S&M get-up he wears about the place. The costume really does speak of an appetite for deviancy, and this coupled with his secrecy and enjoyment of beating people up suggests to me that Brucey may be compensating for his repressed homosexuality. The TV series, the latter movies: they were all reverting to an underlying type inherent in the Batman mythos, but trying to inject camp humour into the proceedings in order to keep it safe for the kids. This time though, we're going for a no holds barred, in-your-face exploration of the caped crusader's sexuality - from a classic love triangle between Bruce, the Joker and Robin, to a re-tooling of the Batmobile, making it a giant driveable phallus. Expect an intelligent, dark, gritty re-working of the legend, but with more steamy post-crimefighting shower scenes."

Looking for a fan's perspective on Nolan's new take on Batman, Sterne asked 35 year old comic book afficionado and high-ranking nerd Marvin Potts for his thoughts. According to Marvin, "I don't think the fan community will really mind Batman getting it on with other men. I mean, none of us can really relate to him having sex with women anyway, so it's not going to make much difference. As far as continuity goes? Well he wouldn't have been the first gay man to have kissed Katie Holmes, would he?"

No he wouldn't, Tom, no he wouldn't.


Tony.T said...

Hollywood delving deep into the psyche of a comic-book character - won't that be a riot.

Shee-it! Just make a good fillum, ya bastards.

buff said...

Finally the Batman franchise will truly mirror real life. Batman in a threesome. WOOF