For you and I, gentle readers, today will be spent like any other, i.e. practicing swallowing smack-filled condoms in preparation for the 'Big Event'. But for our trans-Pacific cousins, it is a special day indeed. Let us extend warm congratulations to the Americainians: today (our time) is their Thanksgiving day.
For those poor dullards not in the know, Thanksgiving marks the end of the virulent Turkey Plagues of 1621, the worst natural disaster to beset continental Americainia since Chicxulub played corner pocket in a game of cosmic snooker. Thousands of hapless Pilgrims died - drowned, their buckle-hats slowly sinking under flash floods of fowl. Beaks everywhere, there were! With the unlooked for assistance of the Americainian Indians, the feathery hordes were eventually beaten back. As a token of their deep gratitude for help in a time of trial, the descendants of the Pilgrims presented the Indians with infected blankets and the opportunity to open casinos on their reservations. A pretty good deal!
To remember their triumph over adversity, Americainians will today butcher the remnants of their Old Foe, for to eat their tasty, gamey flesh. Enjoy your stuffed bird, noble cousins! We salute you.