Thursday, November 03, 2005


Threat! You and I are under threat. We are being threatened. Presumably by threatening people, but we can't be certain of this. Because, well, we don't actually know what the threat is. But it's pretty damn bad, that's for sure. We think.

But we do know that someone's out to get us. Probably. I mean, it's not a specific threat. We know that, 'cause we've got laws to deal with specific threats. This is more of a generic sort of threat... not that we know exactly what a generic threat is.

The Honourable (like Brutus!) J.W Howard has emphatically assured us that the threat is very real, though, crossing his heart and hoping to die if it isn't. He just can't tell us what it might be - in case those doing the threatening feel so threatened that they decide to alter the nature of their threats. Instead, he's going to change the existing legislation so that the police can eliminate anything that looks like a threat before it actually becomes threatening.

However, despite the grave and imminent danger posed by this threat, the national threat-levels are not going to be raised. "We only change the threat-levels if there are real and specific threats. While we've seen materials which specify that the threat is a reality, we can't say that the threat was specific until we change the law and neutralise it. At which point there'll be no need to raise the threat-levels, even though it was a specific threat, " said Attourney General Major Major. "And look, why debate things any further. We'll all be even safer after we change the laws: afterwards, no-one will even be allowed to threaten to threaten us."

"What does this mean specifically? Specifically, it means we're going to kick seven kinds of shit out of anyone who looks vaguely shifty. See how hard we're protecting your rights?"


Kate said...


Tim said...

It's win-win for Howard. If nothing happens, he gets the credit. If something happens, he gets to say, well, look how hard we tried, guess we'll have to introduce/ammend even more legislation! Meanwhile, Beasley rolls over because he gets a briefing from ASIO. That means he's important, and if he wants to continue feeling important he'd better go along with whatever Howard proposes. Hey, he's got no power to stop it anyway, so why be a negative nelly when the Australian people clearly want action, sensible or not?

Jon said...

Yeah. It's a real pity Beazley feels such a desperate need to be a) seen as 'strong on defence' and b) picked up and hugged and told he's wuvvable by the electorate. Meanwhile, it's entirely possible there is a real and present danger, but the fact that the Ruddock/Howard dream-team are refusing to ramp up the threat-levels suggests that however grave the danger may be, it's not particularly immanent. It's a lovely opportunity to whip up a scare, though.

Lucy Tartan said...

If nothing happens, he gets the credit.

I hope not. Although nothing much can surprise me now about this government except that they continue to come up with new ways to be unprecedentedly appalling.

mscynic said...

I love you, Colonel Cathcart.