Tuesday, December 06, 2005

English Language, You Are My Bitch

Ladies! Gentlemen! Your task for today, should you choose to accept it, is this: raise the level of regard in which bloggists are held by the community.

Too long, brothers and sisters, have we who blog been perceived as pale and obsessive nerds, hunched over our computers like unwashed, pimply gargoyles - lumped in with porn enthusiasts and Star Trek fans. Too often have our blogs, carefully constructed works of thoughtful genius, been dismissed as disturbing polemic rants, poorly conceived social satire, or self-aggrandising onanism (try and guess which category this post falls into).

Enough! This will not stand.

Here is the challenge: let's see if Mr Orwell was doubleplusright about linguistic determinism. The word 'blog' is already in use as both noun and verb; see if, at least three times today, you can employ it as a superlative adjective - polysemous, but roughly synonymous with 'fucking amazing'. I predict the term catching on pretty quickly. In the tiny, ape-like minds of the general public, 'blog' will become naturally associated with all things fine, and those who blog as purveyors of wonderment.

Some suggested usages:

Wow, you look totally blog! (to someone modelling a new outfit)
I want to be as blog as Jesus (at church)
The food in that restautant is really quite blog (with appropriate smacking of lips)
Oh blog, oh blog, ooooooooooh BLOG! (during orgasm)

Prizes will be awarded for the most creative use of the word 'blog' (note: probable lie). How can this plan fail, people? How?


Peter said...

Blog plan, dude.

MrLefty said...

How can it fail? Ooh, ooh, I know this one. Apathy and disinterest?

ps if I called out "blog" at such a moment, there almost certainly would be no likelihood of little MrLefties for several years.

Brownie said...

I think blogs jumped the shark when newspapers joined in, and today The Age disguised some blog piffle as a 'news' item and I hated myself for opening it. it linked to Anonymous Lefty, Ms.Cynic and Caz n da Hak. It said: apparently we blgrs are legally liable for slander or whatever, if we say AndrewBolt is a slimy Boer; but I digress, and I give up.