I have been contemplating another installment of I Know Where You Live for some weeks now. The only problem is, I haven't been anywhere interesting. I have, however, been to Nunawading.
Nunawading is a residential suburb in Melbourne's east and...actually, screw this. An introduction to Nunawading requires only two words: Wobbie's World. Yes, this unassuming suburb was for many years home to Melbourne's favourite piss-weak theme park, beloved by many, be-loathed by many more. Having never visited Wobbie's World, I can't tell you much about it, or even offer more than a guess as to what a "wobby" might be. It sounds like a juvenile euphamism for genitalia. As in, "Mummy, that man over by the crappy helicopter ride showed me his wobby!"1
The dubious delights of Wobbie's World may be long gone, but thankfully Nunawading has other claims to fame. For example, statistics show that you are significantly more likely to be beaten up by a Neighbours cast member in Nunawading than in any other Melbourne suburb. The show is filmed at Ten's old Nunawading studio, with many outdoor scenes also shot locally. Residents are accustomed to sharing their suburb with the likes of Lou Carpenter and Doctor Karl, but it is not uncommon for visitors to become star struck. My parents once found themselves eating lunch in the same cafe as Ian Smith (Harold Bishop). Their food went untouched due to nerves, although my dad maintains that it was not so much star-power that put him off as it was the hypnotic dangling of the actor's jowls.2
Despite its status as the Hollywood of the Belgrave/Lilydale line, Nunawading is perhaps best known for the so-called Million Dollar Mile, a stretch of the Maroondah Highway where all the country's largest retailers have set up shop. Architecturally speaking, there is little of any worth in Nunawading, so developers are given carte blanche to clear whatever they like in order to build acre upon acre of retail space. The long-term plan is to demolish the entire suburb and replace it with an enormous Bunnings, with residents to be offered first dibs on prime shelf space in the hardware section. Yet I hope that somewhere amongst this consumer utopia there will be some acknowledgement of the Nunawading of times past. A statue of a giant wobby would not be out of place, methinks.3
Nunawading: three Toadfish Rebecchis out of five.
1. For a trip down cheapskate memory lane, see Adam's road trip to Wobbie's World.
2. Bet you didn't see that one coming!
3. Christ, this is a terrible post. You would think a suburb called "Nunawading" would provoke unrivalled hilarity. You would, however, be wrong.