I have always been a lover, not a fighter. Ultimately this is probably a good thing, but it does occasionally make me feel that I'm a wimp. Still, I hadn't realised the depths of my girly-manliness until last night when I verbally apologised to a Humpty Dumpty easter egg before I smashed his face in.
He looked so happy, all done up in his nice shiny foil wrapper, that big idiotic grin on his face. For a moment I felt as though smashing him up and eating him would be like smashing up and eating a baby chicken, or a market-research derived compilation of cuteness-signifiers from the latest Disney/Pixar film.
But then I remembered that behind that big grin was chocolate, lots of chocolate, and "beanies", those weird-tasting yet strangely addictive Smarties rip-offs.
So, having offered my sincere apologies, I smashed Humpty's fucking face in and ate him. Guess I am a fighter (of chocolate, at any rate) after all.