Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Little Differences

Vincent: You know what the funniest thing about Europe is?

Jules: What?

Vincent: It's the little differences. A lotta the same shit we got here, they got there, but they're a little different.

Jules: Examples?

Vincent: Well, in Italy, you call up a hooker, she comes with a free beer. And not in a paper cup either. She gives you a glass of beer, like in a bar. Only, you gotta make sure it really is beer - they got some fuckin' weird ideas about sex over there. Also, you know what they call a packet of Twisties in Italy?

Jules: What'd they call it?

Vincent: A packet of Fonzies.


Jules: Fonzies! No shit, they name them after that old white dude with paedophilic tendancies and a compulsive-ass desire to jump over junk on his bike? The guy thought the mens' room was his office! Plain to see they didn't know a goddam thing about hygiene in the fifties.

Vincent: Yeah, well see, the Italians have no word for 'twist'. It's just not in their cultural psyche. Your Italian cannot understand the concept of 'twist'. But they know there is nothing cooler than Fonzie. Don't scruple about personal fuckin' sanitation or how young a girl is, neither. It's all about cool in Italy. Can't fuck with that reasoning.

Jules: Well that did it, man - I'm fuckin' goin', that's all there is to it.

6 comments:

Tim said...

Jules: And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers!

Fonzie: Eehhh! Sit on it!

Ben.H said...

They used to sell Fonzies in Australia too, back in the 70s (everything ripples and goes out of focus...) They were not Twisties in packaging, look, or taste; they were some kind of cheese balls in a blue packet. They had the lamest TV ads ever, with nothing "Fonzie" about it at all. No leather jackets, no fifties rock'n'roll, let alone Fonzie himself: just some mellow 70s ballad saying that "Fonzies are OK." Idiots! Everyone knows any self-respecting Fonzie would be "cool"! They didn't last very long.

The rival snack food in Italy is called Teenagers. "I can't talk now, I've got a mouth full of Teenagers!"

I DEMAND CHICKEN-FLAVOURED POTSIES!

Jon said...

Chicken Potsies would be good, but Barbeque Chachi would be the ultimate flavour.

Ben.H said...

Mmmm, Barbeque Chachi.... waa-waa-waa-licious.

Is Pinky Tuscadero still in jail? I hope so; she always shat me off for some reason.

divinetrash said...

Jon, can we assume that Helen brought you back a special present from her trip? Nothing says love like snackfoods, as I always say.

Jon said...

Naw, she's still over there, occasionally mocking me with the amusingly named foodstuffs she's eating.