Friday, May 05, 2006

Spatula Party

Lady Sterne and our new addition have been rellie bashing in Sydney since last Saturday, while I've been home wallowing in bachelordom. As usual, this mainly involved seeing how long I could go without washing the dishes (six days), but has also included (in handy A-Z format):


Specifically Cooper’s Pale Ale. It has things floating in it.


Rawk! Look confused!


Picked up a second-hand book called Salt: A World History. Only five bucks - not bad for what would surely turn out to be the most boring book ever published! I'm disappointed to report that it's actually pretty good.


Finished watching the first series. Swearingen's oral sex scene in the penultimate episode is the creepiest, sickest thing I've ever seen on tv. Can't wait for series two!


I got my fucking Menzies essay finished and emailed about two hours before the deadline. I realise you don't care, but trust me: it was a big deal.


Are you kidding? If it's true that you are what you eat, I am a 250g block of Cadbury chocolate and a packet of potato chips, washed down with a Bundaberg Ginger Beer. I am also a tin of sardines. (Don't ask.)


Watched Copolla's epic for the three thousandth time on Monday. Spent the rest of the week grabbing people by the collars and shouting, "You can act like a man!"


Lunched (somebody call the verb police!) with my semi-desperate housewife friend and her three-year-old. At one point he accidentally called me "Dad", so I gave him a lecture then sent him to his room. Then we went back to her place for some hot beverage action. That is not a euphemism.


I taped Persona off SBS a few months ago, but only got around to watching it the other night. Halfway through, just when things were getting really bizarre/interesting, the tape screwed up. At first I thought it was another of Bergman's alienation techniques, but then the tape stopped altogether and I suddenly found myself looking at Detective Gristle or whatever his stupid name is from CSI. Not even Brecht himself would go that far.


Managed to convince my daughter that I not only wrote but performed all the instruments on Metallica's "Jump in the Fire". Seriously, get yourself some kids. They will believe practically anything.


I have not read any Kafka this week. Also, I haven't watched any Kieslowski, nor listened to any krauts.


On Temptation it's been Logies Week, and to celebrate Livinia got out the big guns, which are actually quite small, although still rather nice, guns. By which I mean she wore a low-cut dress and some kind of cleavage-enhancing bra. It didn't do much, but the effort was appreciated. (Yeah, yeah - it's an indecent obsession, but we all have our weaknesses.)



Nineteen Ninety-Nine

I was expecting to listen exclusively to the new Tool album this week, but it's not really doing it for me, apart from the first song and the Bon Jovi-esque vocoder bit on track two. So I've been working my way through my Prince CDs, starting with The Hits/The B-Sides. Great collection, with only the ommission of "Batdance" souring matters somewhat.


How cool is Ocean's Eleven? Sure it's cool in that fake Hollywood way, but it's still cool.


For some reason the cat has started sleeping on my bed. Until five o'clock, of course, when he scratches urgently on the bedroom door, or as happened yesterday morning, on my feet. Oh for summer, when he runs, or at least sits, wild and free!


Ruth has posted her latest musical challenge. I got a measly thirteen out of twenty (although I'm a bit dubious about one of my answers.)


Neck spasms = no fun.


The new Tool album may not be much chop musically, but its ridiculous packaging is great fun. You haven't really watched Dr. Phil until you've watched him through cheap stereoscopic lenses. (It's much like watching him normally, but a lot more blurry and sick-making.)


Seven-year-old daughter: "Are the stuck miners in Tasmania?"

Me: "Yeah - literally in Tasmania! Get it?"

She didn't.


If a pair of boxers have holes in them, but there is nobody around to make you throw them away, do they really have holes in them?


Emperor of Rome, 69-79. Isn't that a cool name? Vespasian. Bit of a tosser, though, but weren't they all?


How shit is MS Word? If you've ever tried to use the footnote function, you'll know what I mean. Likewise the spell-check, grammar-check, paragraph formatting, print view, and pretty much every other function that doesn't.


Luckily I've also been listening to XTC this week, because I've had no x-rays and played no xylophones, and I haven't been xenophobic - not even once! - or watched any porn, so without them I'd have nothing for this letter.


Would you buy a used blog post from this hair?


Nothing Z-related has occurred this week. But isn't Zelig a fun movie? I wish I were a human chameleon. Sigh!


Jon said...

Oh, I dunno...Vespasian and the other Flavians were pretty OK (with the arguable exception of Domitian). I mean, comparably speaking. He and his lads got a bit of a bad rap in Tacitus: a brilliant man, but one who knew when his lips were best kept firmly pressed against Trajan's arse.

hontbtmh...word verification is getting ridiculous

Tim said...

You're right, but I'm not one to let historical facts get in the way of a mediocre post.

Nick said...

I got all the way to Z without realising that was an alphabet post.

russ said...

Any monarch who enjoys relative peace and dies in their bed must be doing something right. Self-aggandizing, but otherwise inspiring, warmongers who died in the saddle, or by repeated stabbing, notwithstanding.

That Salt book is part of an odd genre. It is as if a whole generation of historians watched that zinc cartoon on the Simpsons, and thought, "wow, I wonder how the world would be different if not for [salt, nutmeg, cotton, saffron, paper, gold, coal, oregano, pencils, risk management, potatoes, fueding scholars, tea, scotsmen, chocolate, footnotes, tin, or just about anything else, except (ironically) zinc]". They fit in nicely with the "Rise and Fall" genre that includes biographies, each roughly summarised by a plot that goes:

"X was not very popular or powerful, until by weight of good luck, historical circumstances, vibrant personalities and good management, X became really important. Then, because of, poor luck, changing circumstances, bad management, external effects, and flagging personalities, X became less powerful and popular, if not completely forgotten. The End."

Unless X hasn't fallen yet, in which case their ascendance is only the beginning of an eternal domination of our culture.

Ruth said...

You got the song incorrect on 16, but the band correct.

Jon said...

The genre seems, thankfully, to be flagging at the moment, Russ; not a moment too soon. I'd grown rather tired of learning about "How Pipe-cleaners Changed the World." Unfortunately, the vogue seems to have mutated to produce such titles as "Pipe-cleaners in a Post 9/11 World: How Our Perspectives Became Forever Altered."

TimT said...

Indecent obsessions are so much more satisfying then decent obsessions. Ah, Livinia. You and me are like, totally, meant to be together. Ignore anything Sandra Sully says about me, that bitch is just jealous.

Tim said...

TimT, if you don't get your eyes off my Livinia, you're gonna be for the smackdown! She's my wo-man! (Apologies to my actual woman - and isn't that an enlightened designation? - but idiotic televisual crushes must be defended, to the death if necessary.)

TimT said...

H8r! Livinia and I <3 each other! LN and TT 4eva!

Ampersand Duck said...

Oh my, what a handsome cat.(nothing like a bit of pussy to make me come out of lurking :))

Totally agree about MS Word. Scourge of the universe.
Just. hate. it.