The father of Brian Sisky, singer/guitarist with popular emo band Thursday's Eyelash, says that contrary to his son's "affectation of unknowable profundity", Brian is "laughably shallow and eminently knowable, although why anybody would actually wish to know him is another thing entirely."
"Running my eye over Brian's so-called 'lyrics', I note with dismay his fixation with blaming his mother and I for his many shortcomings," Mr Sisky said. “It’s there in the song titles: ’Daddy Sneerest’, ‘Just a Kid (With Fucked Up Parents)’ – there’s even one called ‘It’s Your Fault I Can’t Sing’. Well, I can tell you that Barbara and I have delightful singing voices, so if Brian can’t sing – which, incidentally, he can’t – he’s got nobody to blame but himself.”
Mr Sisky told reporters that he finds Brian’s attitude “quite baffling. We raised him with love and kindness, and he repays us by pretending we’re North Balwyn’s answer to Fred and Rosemary West.”
As an example of his son's vacuity and lack of filial devotion, Mr Sisky points to the lyrics of Thursday's Eyelash's biggest hit to date, "Please Dad".
"I quote: 'You watch me from afar/All you care about is your car/Dad you don't understand me/Dad why can't you let me be?' Now, aside from the rather baffling reference to my Mercedes, I understand his point only too well. However, his complaint about my intrusiveness would carry greater weight if Brian wasn’t still living under my roof, and didn’t regularly borrow said luxury vehicle to ferry his eyeliner-wearing friends to and from gigs. I'm forever repairing the damage their wallet chains and manifold piercings cause to the upholstery."
Mr Sisky said that rather than revealing a dysfunction in his relationship with Brian, Thursday’s Eyelash’s music confirms his intuition that “there is actually no point in pursuing a rapprochement with the boy."
"I admit I have barely spoken to Brian since he was ten. Frankly, that was the last time he said anything sensible."