Thursday, July 27, 2006

Don't Stand So Close To Him

I recently bumped into an old schoolmate (my first girlfriend, in fact, although I'm not sure that it counts given we were both six years old at the time) and, flailing about for things to talk about, I pointed out that 2006 is the ten year anniversary of our finishing school. "I don't want to know about it!" my Grade One paramour said. "It just makes me feel old."

I nodded agreement, but in fact I find the thought of being a decade out of school cause for celebration rather than despair. Grey hairs, weight gain, disintegrating cartilage, crumbling teeth, wrinkles, brittle bones, dementia, shoes with zippers, agonising death - the horrors of swiftly encroaching decrepitude are almost totally offset by the knowledge that high school is just as swiftly receding into the past.

(Cue flashback, replete with dry ice fog, “hilarious” wigs and appropriate musical cues, preferably something by Sonic Youth.)

There was just so much wrong with high school: the teachers, the curriculum, the dubious sausage rolls in the canteen. Particularly distasteful was the forced daily contact with the school’s complement of psychopaths, sluts, stoners, bullies, flashers, boozers, wankers, geeks, freaks, and people who brought samples of their ejaculate to school in jars. Teenagers are no more endurable just because you happen to be one, and I would gladly trade my memories of high school for, say, memories of a holiday on Mars, during which I became embroiled in a conflict between the planet’s corrupt government and a rebel organisation run by a mutant with a sentient baby in his stomach.

The problem with teenagers is that, to quote Matthew McConaughey’s uber-sleazy character in Dazed and Confused, I get older but they stay the same age. Callow, obnoxious, smelly, spotty, stupid – teenagers are bloody awful and they are bloody everywhere. Public transport is a nightmare because they always seem to want to sit next to me, particularly the girls, thus proving that either I (or my deodorant) am possessed of enormous sexual magnetism, or that I am so wizened and unappealing as to be virtually invisible. Callow, obnoxious, smelly, spot—…oh, I’ve already done that bit. Anyway, the point is that teenagers are pretty horrible, always have been, always will be. Case in point: today I saw a teenage boy put a plastic bag of rubbish on his friend’s car’s bonnet, then he got into the car and they drove off, the car’s motion flinging the bag onto the carpark of a 7/11 where it broke open, spilling garbage everywhere. Then they almost ran me over, cackling at their jape. The fact that this is typical teenage behaviour in no way disqualifies it as evidence in favour of the reintroduction of stockades and public whippings.

Grating as this kind of thing is, I find myself getting even more annoyed when teenagers do things like not acting like grade A free-range dickheads. Having been a callow, obnoxious, spotty (etc.) teenager, I feel somehow betrayed when I see a teenager assisting a disabled person or putting rubbish in a bin. Hypocritical? You bet, but whatever. (You will observe that the teenager is still strong in me.) It seems to go against the natural order of things to see a teenager actually contributing to civil society. It’s like watching a gorilla suckle a parrot – sure, she’s helping and all, but it’s still fucking sick.

A particularly egregious example of teenage goody-two-shoes-ing occurred yesterday when Carey Grammar student Stephen Battaglia gave the Prime Minister an impromptu birthday hug. I’ll repeat that: he hugged John Howard! What’s more, he reckons the experience “awesome”. Awesome? You hugged the Prime Minister? I think I need to pause for breath, otherwise I’ll end up rendering the remainder of this post in disbelieving italics.

[Calm blue ocean…calm blue ocean…calm billy ocean…]

Now, let’s give young Stephen some credit, as he did manage to “scare” the PM with the screwdriver he happened to be holding when he went the geriatric grope yesterday. But still – he hugged the Prime Minister! And he pronounces it “awesome”! I’m fully aware that many people, teenagers included, reckon John Howard a top bloke and a great leader, but who – seriously who – describes the experience of cuddling up with a 67-year-old – any 67-year-old – as “awesome”? It’s difficult to imagine circumstances in which clasping such a body to oneself could be considered anything other than disturbing. The fact that it was the 67-year-old body of our benevolent leader makes no difference. Stephen Battaglia, you are sick! Couldn’t you have done something relatively normal, like bring your come to school in an old Vegemite jar?

An example of the correct way to handle such an encounter is provided by my Year Eleven class who, on a school excursion to the city, spotted then-F├╝hrer Jeff Kennett striding down Springstrasse. We duly gave him a rousing chorus of "Jeff is a wanker!" (Kennett, waving: "Hello children!"). It didn’t get us media coverage or any brownie points with our conservative parents, but at least we maintained our dignity. Of course, Jeff responded by closing down our school, but at least we didn’t have to touch him.

97 comments:

TimT said...

Brilliant.

Mind if I borrow your brain for a lifetime or two? I'll take very good care of it. Just your amygdala and cerebellum would do for starters, mail it to my house at Coburg ... I could send some bubble wrap around your house, if necessary ...

Chris Fryer said...

What the hell is wrong with teenagers these days? It is also very disturbing when someone who hasn't even left high school earns more money than you do.

Teenagers are not supposed to do anything constructive with their lives until after they are teenagers!

There is nothing that destroys the hopes and dreams of an aspiring author more than a stinky teenager who has published five novels by the time they graduate.

Oh, well. Does anyone want to visit my blog? :(

audrey said...

I just discovered you through technorati. How could you link to me without even letting me know? I've missed out on *months* of this gold writing!

I was sickened to see the footage of his birthday stroll. All those teenage girls giggling? Didn't that just happen recently at the Sydney Opera House? WHY ARE TEENAGE GIRLS GIGGLING AT JOHN HOWARD AS IF HE WERE A DREAM HUNK?

The only thing worse than spotty, obnoxious teens are spotty, obnoxious, conservative Liberal teens.

Jo said...

I love your year eleven class.

That is all.

Anonymous said...

You need to wake up to yourself mate, your making allegations about a guy you don’t even know. Steve Battaglia is one of my best mates, as are those “giggling girls”. first off the girls were told to stand there and sing the PM a happy birthday for the media, and two steve is a quite guy, this is the first incident of this kind that has involved him, it was a friendly gesture that was blown out of proportion. Your the one who is "sick" posting this crap about steve, don't sterotype, get over yourself and grow up.

Anonymous said...

omg i just LAWL at that artical! so let me get this straight what your trying to right about. YOUR A FUCKING FAG! is that it coz thats all im seeing! seriously don't you have anything better to do! I mean you must be the biggest geek/gook to volentarily wright like some eassy online....OMG YOU NUB!! you might hear people to say get a life and grow up but seriously fuk them just end your life it's easier (preferably with a screw-driver it would be funnier for me) so get to it and stop wasting my air!!!!

Tim said...

Mum? Is that you?

Anonymous said...

LOL GG NOOB

UIR SO GAY AHAHAHA ROFLMOFAOL CAN U PLZ GETA LYF FGT!?! U R SO TOTLY GAY OLOL NUB EMO FAG GO CUT PLXS OMFG WHORE BTW STEEV IS A L33T PLAYA IRL AND IS NOT HIS FAULT SECURITY FAILED TO PUL AGGRO OFF MR HOWARD B4 HE GOT THERE, LUCKY THING HE WAZNT AN ANGRY MOB >:O
PLZGODIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

You write as though steven says the actual hug he had with the 67 year old John Howard was awesome, making him sound somewhat of a freak. I think you will find it was the craziness and ignorance of the act that was so awesome, as I am sure that if you or I hugged the prime minister would be quite excited at what you had just done not becuase he is a 67 year old male.

Tim said...

UIR SO GAY AHAHAHA ROFLMOFAOL CAN U PLZ GETA LYF FGT!?!

Ah, the benefits of a private school education.

Anonymous said...

first of all, that was a very entertaining blog, and u shouldnt be getting called a fag and all that...
but like, i go to carey grammar and i know steve, i'm also in year 11. basically uve got him all wrong the last thing i would call him is a goody2shoes hes pretty much the opposite actually but a good guy!!
so.. interesting blog, but u got it all wrong about carey people!!

Anonymous said...

Listen mate you would have to be one of the saddest people in the world. get a life you fucking loser and stop talking shit about people you dont know. your just some sick weirdo who needs to find something better to do in his spare time, which you probably have plenty of due to a lack of friends. get a life you piece of shit

Anonymous said...

LOL SI NOT TEH STEV"S FAULT HOWARDS SECURITY CUOLD NOT PULL AGGRO OFF MISTAH HOWAHD IN TIEM FOR DAH MOB, BUT AT LEAST WASNT LVL 60 ELITE OLOL!

Tim said...

Aren't you guys wasting valuable soggy biscuit time?

Anonymous said...

SOMEONE HAD A ROUGH CHILDHOOD
You must be some dickhead if you wright 857 word to show the world how shit at life you are.

HAVE A FARKIN WINGE..

Bo Frickity Ho...

No one cares about you, we understand ur an unloved person, but dont go defaming otherpeople just coz you saw a kid huging a man on national tv.

Your shit at life, but dont go telling everone

Anonymous said...

you're a wanker, seriously, how much fucking time do you have on your hands to be bitching about teenagers and reflecting on your sad childhood. just because your were stupid enough to bring ur cum in a fucking jar to school doesn't mean the rest of us are. lay off steve, it took guts, and if he thinks hugging johnie is awesome then so be it. get a life...

Anonymous said...

im with everyone else... to the guy who wrote this blog... u obviously dont know steve! hes an awesome guy, y dnt u do sumthing better with ur time... xoxo

Jon said...

Aren't you guys wasting valuable soggy biscuit time?

Now Tim, these are Australia's future leaders. They deserve to have their poorly conceived, scatological hissy-fits listened to and summarily forgotten by people who don't give two hoots about their semi-coherent opinions just as much as the next pituitary retard does. If not more so.

Anonymous said...

I find pictures can speak a thousand words
http://www.angelfire.com/tv2/f4g/

if thats not enough YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG, YOUR A FAG,

Tim said...

Aw, are you asking me out?

Anonymous said...

yes, where abouts do u live

Tim said...

With Stephen Battaglia in a yurt under the sea.

Anonymous said...

dear shitdick. you quite clearly know notting true about steve. steves got some pretty 1337 micro on console and pc. and unbelivably enough. rl 2. so rofl a u thinking hes nub. like sif steves nub, and a goody2shoes. lol at goody2shoes. ive seen steve jump out of trees. fire crossbows at me shot slingshots at myhead. we used to beat each other with large sticks. ive seen him do things that are so awesome and crazy.
in conclusion.
steve has some uber 1337 micro. and u got no idea.
from (the guy nextdoor) michael gronn

Tim said...

Wow, thanks Michael. Steve sounds like a righteous dude! Jumping out of trees, you say? And you used to beat one another with sticks? Well, better than sitting at home beating yourself, I suppose.

Anonymous said...

you seem to be making a lot of references to batting off and come in jars and such, did you have a troubled childhood? Did daddy touch you? or are you just a gimp? get a life you peice of shit

Jon said...

Isn't it past your bedtimes yet, kids? It's a school night, after all.

audrey said...

What does it mean to be 'huging' a man?

Obviously Steve has a righteous posse of batty boys at school that will defend his honour TO THE DEATH (with slingshots).

But otherwise....that's a really depressing indictment on the future of Australia and now I can kind of understand why Jamie just won Big Brother.

russ said...

What does it mean to be 'huging' a man?

Well Audrey, teenage boys are a little less able to control themselves when they get excited and, well... I am sure the Prime Minister understands.

On another note. I'd been under the belief that the fag-system of enforced servitude to seniors had been waning in private schools. I'm glad to see that I was wrong, and that these fine lads are in such vigorous support of it, that we can be guaranteed another generation or two of young men with the proper character that a tradition of licking boot polish and sound beating brings.

mscynic said...

OMG!!!1!! DIS IS SUM O DA FUNNISET SHIT IV 3VA RED.


LOLZ

Anonymous said...

Allrite Tim uv obviously been roled off your high horse, and i think its time you came out with a bit of an appoligy to steve, then you can shut your mouth and we can all be happy with out having that compleat bullshit that is coming from ya.

Anonymous said...

so now you dickheads are turning this into some crap against private school people? fuck your sad

Tim said...

How, pray, have I been "roled" off my high horse? I'm hardly going to offer an "appoligy" to Steve or anybody else simply because you and your fellow imbeciles bombard me with barely coherent whining.

Anonymous said...

"whining" aw mate thats rich coming from that essay you wrote, crying about how much teenages and steve are such an inconsiderate obstruction in your daily life.
dosent matter if its uncoherent, it still speaks the truth, you have come on and spread alligations about steve that im sure you are as much gultie as yourself as a teenager.

Sterculian Rhetoric said...

Dearest Anonymous,
It would increase the power and persuasiveness of you brilliant argument if you were to formulate said Sterculian rhetoric within generally accepted principles of grammar and syntax. Correct spelling of the Queen's English would not go unnoticed either.
In short?
You are a cunt!

Tim said...

What are the "alligations" I'm supposed to have spread? That Battaglia hugged the PM? That's a matter of public record, not an allegation - a significant distinction. It speaks volumes that, faced with a blog post labelling teenagers callow, obnoxious and stupid, you and your friends respond by being callow, obnoxious and stupid. Know anything about irony? Or is that just what your mum does to your blazer before school each day?

Anonymous said...

Dear Faggot
this is not your fight, i really dont give a fuck what you think about my spelling or if my grammar is correct, keep it to yourself, go fuck yourself and die in a hole.

Best regards - Anonymous

Tim said...

You must be a devil with the ladies.

audrey said...

I love how they keep referring to your post as an 'essay'. I give it an A!

This is possibly the funniest exchange I have ever witnessed. I am going to recreate it on my blog. I hope this isn't a problem.

Anonymous said...

haha dear bilious pupenda
if you're going to have a go at somebody for spelling and grammer it is normally wise to make sure that you yourself havn't made any errors, otherwise you make yourself look like a tool
regards,
YOU are a dickhead

Tim said...

Please feel free, Audrey. I have a feeling they're running out of steam - you know how teenage boys are, they've got no stamina - but it sure has been fun.

Sterculian Rhetoric said...

Ahhhh! Mr. Anonymous you are wise indeed - 'Take the pebbles from my hand Grasshopper'
I was wondering why I had an 'R' left over after my little comment above. Don't you hate when that happens?
As far as a tool is concerned, may I be a speculum? It is not malapropos if one is a 'dickhead.'
Innit?
Why would you call me a 'Maggot?' I'll have you know that I have long since left the larval stage and am well into glorious pupation.

With regards to your admonition of 'go fuck yourself and die in a hole.' I will attempt it. As I suffer from Swyer's Syndrome, I shan't have too much difficulty.

Tom said...

Wow,

Firstly, I must congratulate you on a fine post, Tim. Secondly, I now have a fully renewed faith in the Melbourne private school system. Carey Grammar 'ftw' etc etc and so on and so forth.


"you're a wanker, seriously, how much fucking time do you have on your hands to be bitching about teenagers and reflecting on your sad childhood. just because your were stupid enough to bring ur cum in a fucking jar to school doesn't mean the rest of us are. lay off steve, it took guts, and if he thinks hugging johnie is awesome then so be it. get a life..."

^ Comedy gold; can we please find this chap and enter him in the next Melbourne Comedy Festival?

Regards,

Tom

mscynic said...

"You must be a devil with the ladies."

*chortles*

Jon said...

Good grief, I turn my back for twelve hours and miss out on round II.

Keep it up, you rascally little scallawags. You might might yet win someone over with your crafty wit, sparkling erudtion and devil-may-care approach to logic, spelling and basic comprehension.

Not me, mind you. But, you know: someone.

zzymurgy said...

this guy has a lot to learn about being a troll. Kids these days are really making a nuisance of themselves on blogs, and this is a pretty piss-poor example.

BTW IF ANY1 ASKS, IMA 1337 FAG & IR SO GAY I CANT USE PUNCTUATION OR CAPS LOCK.

Susanne said...

Wow, I never get these kind of cool blog fights happening on my blog!

It is somewhat consoling that the Carey kid who hugged John Howard knew nothing about politics and didn't even know which party Howard was from. Somewhat.

Anonymous said...

Steven smells like sex :/

Tim said...

You mean he still hasn't showered after groping the PM? That really is sick!

mscynic said...

"Keep it up, you rascally little scallywags. You might yet win someone over with your crafty wit, sparkling erudition and devil-may-care approach to logic, spelling and basic comprehension."

OMG!!1!!!!!LMFAO!!!

Now I just cannot decide which one of you I love more.

[Incidentally, I corrected your spelling errors when I copied and pasted the above]

Hee!

Armagnac Esq. said...

yous cunts is scik fuckin fagfag pubic scool dropowts i wont u too FOAD OMG u r sutch kumts!!

Armagnac Esq. said...

OH shit, it wasn't anonymous!

Oh well, ahem, that ends my attempt to hang out with the cool kids.

This is beyond funny, I actually can't decide if you have really been visited by a bunch of inbred rowing team cheerleaders or if several of your regular visitors have just decided to have a bit of fun.

Much as I enjoyed your post, I don't, can't, don't want to think that the turds are quite this thick. It has to be an adult conspiracy, but damned if it isn't fun anyway.

Linkages and quotes from me too, outstanding post... funniest thread ever... LMFAOUOUOI!!

Tim said...

Oh, it was real all right, at least the first twenty-something posts on Monday night, anyway. I was tracking it on sitemeter, there were about forty or fifty hits that evening from across eastern melbourne, all to that particular post. They really are that thick.

Armagnac Esq. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Armagnac Esq. said...

I've asked Ms Fits, who's a bit of a gun on bizarre text talk, to explain Uber 1337 Micro. Or L33T.

Helen said...

Well, I guess that answers the "Am I doing the wrong thing not triple-mortgaging the house and selling the dog into prostitution in order to send my kids to private school" question.

Jon said...

LOLZ Thanks Mscynic... re-reading my comment a shortly after I'd typed it made me blanch slightly; and although 'scallawags' is an acceptable alternative spelling, I'm told, I can proffer no excuse for the rest other than that I'm a drunken oaf. Albeit a gorgeously handsome one.

Jon said...

And oh look, yet another tupping typo...

MrLefty said...

Comedy gold. I wish I'd been here earlier.

Anonymous said...

HIHI MY NAEM SI VALENLOL!

Anonymous said...

"you know how teenage boys are, they've got no stamina - but it sure has been fun."

Tim does indeed have experience in "knowing" teenage boys.

Also this comment thread is the worst example of pompous blog authors ejaculating their scathing wit and intellectual prowess all over young children i've ever seen. As much as it should pain me to say this, STFUFGTS LOL OMFG

gg and Tim plz lurn PvP s0n

audrey said...

I hardly think demonstrating to the illiterate the correct form of expression can be described as pomposity.

Anonymous said...

You hardly think it do you? Well i am sorry to break this to you.. But noone else apart from your obscure internet intellectual club really cares.

If i were to walk down the road and conduct a survey on how many people consider minor grammatical errors a factor worth commenting on, i can imagine i would get little to no positive answers. Unless of course i encountered Tim molesting a teenage boy somewhere. I think that when you scope in on small errors you are proving that you have nothing more worthwhile to say :\

Here's a tip, quit your daily routine of finishing up at Safeway, kissing your 6 children good night and then posting scathing comments on a nancy forum regarding a friend of mine, and go get a hobby such as ending your own life.

Go ahead, pick this argument apart. Doesn't bother me, it's just enforcing the fact that you are a loser who has failed at life. I on the other hand am still a stupid, spotty, smelly teenager that is right in his prime.

Anonymous said...

I can just picture you sitting there fuming at not being able to write a response that puts you on your high horse again :)

Tim said...

Oh yes, we're all paralyzed by the high beams of your wit.

Anonymous said...

can't you cockheads find something else to talk about, you must be in your late 20's and u have nothing better to do. sad really.

Tim said...

No, I think we'll talk about this for a bit longer. Thanks for asking.

Anonymous said...

thanks for illustrating my point

Tim said...

A point that presupposes that talking about this is sad. I actually find it a fascinating anthropological experiment. What's your excuse? As you claim to be a teenager "in his prime" I would have thought you'd have better things to do on a Friday night, but apparently not.

Jon said...

I, too, can't help but find it amusing that, despite your assertion that "noone else apart from your obscure internet intellectual club really cares", you, Anonymous, appear to, and quite a bit. If you find our dark and seamy cabal guilty of pomposity, hypocrisy or - vilest of crimes - being older than you, you can of course choose to stop reading, go and do something else, and leave us to wallow in obscurity.

Or, you can stick around and debate the point at hand: that's cool too. But should you decide to, you might find it necessary to plumb your critical arsenal for something a little more compelling than cusses and personal insults (or at least those of the spectacularly unoriginal variety; we appreciate the inventive type). Like as not you'll just get jeered at or ignored like all the other anonymous sprogs who don't know their arseholes from next Tuesday, otherwise.

You might also like to note that while we've had a bit of fun laughing at the spelling and grammar, most non-anonymous commenters are more interested in mocking/exploring a. the complete inability of Sterne's deriders to recognise the irony of the manner of their responses, and b. that psycho-sexually speaking they all appear to be in bad need of either their mothers' teats or a cold shower.

Now...have I gone and taken you too seriously, dearheart?

TimT said...

How many of these anonymous commenters actually read the post?

audrey said...

"You hardly think it do you? Well i am sorry to break this to you.. But noone else apart from your obscure internet intellectual club really cares."

We're part of a club! How exciting...

I DO often feel pathetic for not being a careless youth anymore. Sigh. I must attempt to live vicariously through the devil-may-care antics of the children in black that live outside Borders.

Anonymous said...

So i was balls deep in steves ass and he turns arround and kisses me,

What a faeg :/

Anonymous said...

AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHA


I read the first two lines of each comment and you have proved my point more than i ever could have... End your life if this is how you're spending it, this is the last comment i'm going to post on this thread and if any of you feel like rebutting me then go ahead but know that you are highly furthering my argument NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY. That is the key line faggots.

Anonymous said...

I wish my motherboard could find a fatherboard so they could have anotherboard or possible adoptaboard

Tim said...

know that you are highly furthering my argument NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY.

Touche! So any statement, in any language, on any subject, would provide further proof for your argument? Brilliant. What a shame you won't be commenting any more. But if you or any of your friends do comment, please know that whatever you say will in turn prove my argument, plus one, times infinity.

Anonymous said...

"Touche! So any statement, in any language, on any subject, would provide further proof for your argument? Brilliant."

His argument was that you are a fucking douchebag. Any statement you could possibly make strengthens this, as let me remind you; you are arguing with young people about their hasty typing errors. You are a failure at life. Kill yourself.

If you want to come back with some lame "oh well you're still posting comments too" bullshit don't, because it's immature and stupid and it pains me to have to do it in the first place.

Adam 2.0 said...

OMG WTF LOL BBQ. STERN U R SUCH H8RS!

I GN FK U HRD, I WN TCH YR CNT. !!ONE!

audrey said...

"His argument was that you are a fucking douchebag. Any statement you could possibly make strengthens this, as let me remind you; you are arguing with young people about their hasty typing errors. You are a failure at life. Kill yourself."


HAHAHAHA OMG UR SUCH A FKN FAG!@##@!@!

Ahem.

Firstly, you can't make an 'argument' that someones a fucking douchebag just by saying they are. Secondly, here is an example of the 'hasty typing errors'.

LOL GG NOOB

UIR SO GAY AHAHAHA ROFLMOFAOL CAN U PLZ GETA LYF FGT!?! U R SO TOTLY GAY OLOL NUB EMO FAG GO CUT PLXS OMFG WHORE BTW STEEV IS A L33T PLAYA IRL AND IS NOT HIS FAULT SECURITY FAILED TO PUL AGGRO OFF MR HOWARD B4 HE GOT THERE, LUCKY THING HE WAZNT AN ANGRY MOB >:O
PLZGODIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Call me crazy, but I don't even think that's in English. What's an 'L33T PLAYA'?

Lastly, I think it's soooooooo cute that you keep asking us to kill ourselves! Who said passion in youth was dead?

Keep on brave young soldiers!

Anonymous said...

lol. You're analysing l33tsp34k.

I would consider you less of a human tragedy had you created a machine that burns money and is fueled by priceless family heirlooms and immortality potions.

Remember, not across the street, not across the road, go straight for the jugular. Don't be a pussy.

audrey said...

So is l33tsp34k supposed to be 'leetspeak'?

What's a leet? I'm intrigued. Educate me, o wise anon!

Oooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmm.........

Anonymous said...

What's a leet? noob.

Go get pregnant or have your fucking period or something.

The Editor said...

This is one of the most entertaining comment threads I've ever read. Keep up the good work, Tim.

Tim said...

*Sigh*. It's all getting a bit boring now. Please, anonymous friends, come up with a new line of argument or we'll have to provoke another group of humourless drones into embarrassing themselves. Have to say, though, that for sheer idiocy you guys are going to be hard to top.

audrey said...

You're right Tim. As amusing as it is to be called SO TOTLY GAY FGT I WN TCH UR CNT, it is getting kind of boring baiting adolescents. I for one am going to go and get pregnant or have my fucking period or something and hence bid adieu to this thread of discussion.

BY FGTS! ROFLMAOHAHAHAHAHHALOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!one!1111111!!!!!!!!FGT

Anonymous said...

Yep Tim. Enjoy your cold can of mushroom soup while watching old taped episodes of Big Brother.

You are a failure, it's as simple as that. But hey, at least you are a big man online ;D

Tim said...

Enjoy your cold can of mushroom soup while watching old taped episodes of Big Brother.

Anyone want to take a stab at what this is supposed to mean or refer to?

Anonymous said...

Are you too stupid to understand what i mean?

I was indicating that you are a loser :)

Tim said...

No, still can't see the connection. Me...Big Brother...mushroom soup..."loser". Not an obvious chain of reasoning, is it?

Jon said...

Now...have I gone and taken you too seriously, dearheart?

Apparently, yes. I'm with Audrey on this one - going to go and have my fucking period (or make a concerted effort, anyway). It's been fun, but this thread's becoming increasingly tedious. Attempting to converse with these anonymous lackwits is like dealing with an over-excited dog: all yipping and snarling and crying for attention, and no comprehension. The only difference is I generally feel sympathy rather than weary contempt for dumb beasts.

Bye now, you tiresome little scamps.

Tim said...

I agree, Jon. It was fun for a while, but now it's just depressing. I can't believe they're still checking in to fling juvenile taunts, a week and a half after the fact. Worse, they're still rolling out the same banal shite they began with. Unless there's an influx of inspired teenage invective, I too must bid this thread farewell.

Lucy Tartan said...

Oh, well, last time I was here Jo's was the latest comment. I enjoyed this very, very much, especially the periods, the cold mushroom soup, and the parts about consoles and jumping out of trees.

Good to know the Young Liberals won't be getting any smarter any time soon.

Anonymous said...

So liek double you tea eff,

You come here calling my friend a faeg well speking of faegs i was balls deep in tims ass, and he tehn prceds to trn arund and sm000ch me wat a faeg :/

Anyoymnomoinous is my feirnd fkuc yuo

Laugh out loud funny @ your mushroom soup u faeg go play dota LOLOLOLOL



Or better yet , go sleep in your used news papers u call a bed

Lawll

Anonymous said...

ROFL tehse FGTS r SO STuPID

ThEY CaNNOT EvEN CoME Up WiTH A LoGIcAl ChAin Of ResOnInG

LoL At Tim"s LoSEr FaCE LOL GG

U R All DuMb FgTS LOLOLOLOLOlololOLOLOLOL JOHN HOWARD IS TEH BEST!!!

Anonymous said...

"I enjoyed this very, very much, especially the periods, the cold mushroom soup, and the parts about consoles and jumping out of trees.

Good to know the Young Liberals won't be getting any smarter any time soon."

If u don't understand the context or what it means then uyr the stupid oen and also u cnt spell

Anonymous said...

Well looks like noone else is gonna be commenting.


You coward Tim. Maybe if you weren't such a sissy girl you would have had a shot at life.

Anonymous said...

In fact, you're all cowards.

Anonymous said...

Good Lord, that last comment was in English...