I have always wanted to write a novel, but other things kept getting in the way. You know, things like writing epic poetry and technical manuals for the military. I have tried several novel writing schemes but with little success, although I did make some headway during Write a Novel or We'll Shoot You Week in 2004. Then one night I had a dream. I think it was about my cat or maybe work. Anyway, about a week later I invented NaNoWriDec. It's awesomely outrageous.While nobody could doubt the awesomeness of NaNoWriDec, one question remains: what in the name of spam hell is it? We'll answer that question, and others, in our friendly F.A.Q. section.
Friendly F.A.Q. Section
Enough faffing around, you chaps - what is NaNoWriDec?
National Novel Writing Decade is a fun, seat-of-somebody-else's-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing on November 1 2006 and have until November 1 2016 to complete their novel.
How long does my novel have to be?
The goal is 50 000 words, which means you'll have to commit to writing at least 13.68 words every day for the next 3653 days. You'd better get your skates on!
Isn't 50 000 words a bit short for a novel?
And aren't you a bit crap to be a novelist? Stop asking silly questions and get writing!
When do I start writing?
Right now! You're wasting valuable time, fool! Instead of writing that question you could have written five words of your novel and taken a break for an hour or so.
Who will read my novel when I'm done?
Your mum might humour you and skim the first few paragraphs, but otherwise probably nobody.
What's the point of it all?
The point is to write a freaking novel! A novel that's not long enough to be a novel and that nobody is going to read! How much more "point" do you need? This is no time for existential crises - get writing, bitch!
How do you define "novel"?
By looking it up in the dictionary.
I have something on over the next ten years - can't I write a novel another time?
No. It's this decade or never.
NaNoWriDec is all about goals. If you stick to your goals you'll be fine, but if you don't you could find yourself falling behind. You don't want to get two years in and realise you've only written 9985 words instead of 9986. We don't want any nervous breakdowns!
In order to prevent this happening, it is vital that you cut yourself off from the world. Family, friends, work - all this is crap - do you hear me, CRAP! - next to the goal of writing those 13.68 words every day. So let everybody know that you're not to be disturbed until November 2 2016. If they don't like it, write something nasty about them in your book.
Oh, and one other thing - don't die. If you drop off before November 1 2016 your name won't be listed in the official NaNoWriDec Hall of Fame. Instead we will post pictures of dead things to your children.
So sign up today and begin your novel writing adventure! Or, rather, don't. Registration closed yesterday. But never mind, there's always next decade. Or is there????*