Tuesday, November 21, 2006

The Opposition Leader Speaks

Following is a transcript of an address given this afternoon by the Federal Opposition leader, Kim Beazley.

I would like to extend my warmest congratulations to Billy Thorpe, who today announced his retirement from professional swimming. I'm sure that all Austrians will join me in pausing to reflect on Thorpe's achievements, in and out of the pool, but especially in, because we're not going to all this fuss just because he's a nice guy.

In a career spanning a mere decade, Ian Turpie - or "the Turpedo", as he was affectionately known - won five Olympic gold medals and set thirteen world records. During this time, Ian McShane conducted himself with a maturity far beyond his years. If I could say one thing to the children of Norstrilia it would be to remember this moment, for the likes of Ian Courtney Thorpe-Smith are few and far between, and you might like to give shit to your grandkids one day, because you were there when he retired, and they weren't.

Whatever the future holds for Ian McEwan, we can be sure that he will continue to do his country proud. There are suggestions that a career in television awaits. Perhaps Ian will prove to be the next Ricky Martin, Bert Newton-John or Karl Rove. Whatever the case, I wish Ian Ziering all the best, and hope that Buddy Hackett, Gustav Klimt, Irvine Welsh and the rest of the men's swimming team are training hard, because they certainly have some big flippers to fill.


MrLefty said...

Very good.

Although, I don't really mind that Kim Beazley isn't paying attention to who Rove McManus is. I just wish he didn't feel the need to PRETEND he gave a shit.

Anonymous said...

that was ridiculously funny

Gaida said...


mscynic said...

There was a great article on Chaser yesterday - Beazley laughs off suggestions Xavier Rudd will contend for leadership. Heh!

P.S. Your comment re: Tinkler and "wait, did I just say 'tittering'" had me in stitches.

Ron said...

That was good.

And thanks for alerting me to the fact that we have an Opposition Leader!

Brownie said...

Thanks for the laugh - 'pure gold' as it's said.
The Beezer needs a better support team if you ask me.