Wednesday, December 13, 2006

World leaders, geographers, slam Iran denial conference

Hundreds of revisionist geographers from across the globe will attend a controversial conference this week to debate the question: does Iran really exist? The conference, to be held in the small Pacific nation of Twigi, has been criticised by world leaders and mainstream scholars.

Geographer Susan Neatfeet says the conference is a “sham” and “a freak show”.

“Iran denial is completely irrational; it is anti-historic, anti-geographic, and quite simply wrong. Evidence for the existence of Iran, as a long extant civilisation and as a modern nation-state, is extensive and overwhelming. Besides, it's on every fricken map of the region. We don't just make this shit up, you know."

Prominent Iran denier Tiit Ergengargh disagrees.

“Iran is not on every map of the region,” he told Sterne. “It is only present on maps produced by geographist propagandists who wish to perpetuate the lie of Iran’s existence. I have with me maps of the region that simply show a large blank area. Instead of cities and towns, these maps feature enormous red question marks. Now, I ask you, why would there be enormous red question marks on a supposed map of ‘Iran’ if its existence was beyond doubt?”

Owing to its complete lack of a legal system, Twigi has in recent years become a haven for revisionist geographers. In 2004, Australia cut diplomatic ties with Twigi after the leader of its military junta, Mahata Ataham, claimed that Switzerland was actually located in southern Africa. Australian geography denier Professor Fredrick Probin, founder of the anti-geographic Brisbane-based Melbourne Institute, recently sought refuge in Twigi after causing a furore in his home country by claiming that you could see the Eiffel Tower from Mount Isa.

As conference delegates arrived in Twigi yesterday, the chorus of international diplomatic disapproval grew. The US State Department last night issued the following statement:

“The United States opposes anti-geographism in all its forms and condemns the government of Twigi for agreeing to host this vile conference. The denial of Iran must stop. I mean, how are we supposed to make the case for bombing the place off the map when these people are claiming it was never on there?”

3 comments:

Jon said...

Golden, old son, golden.

TimT said...

Sir,

You will be pleased to know that at the Annual Conference of Denying Denialists, our keynote speech was dedicated to just this topic. We believe that it is a good thing that such hearty denialism exists in the world today, as our speaker Sir Mergyn Mynch contended to gathered denialists from over the world. At the end of the speech, one of us put his hand up and said, 'You're wrong!', which we felt was a very valid point. Then we all punched him in the face. The conference therefore concluded on a high note, albeit a rather negative one. Which was a good thing. I think.

Yours,
Tim 'No I'm Not!' T.

Tim said...

I deny having written this post.