Wednesday, January 31, 2007

10,000 Tools

Jon and I are off to see Tool tonight. Although I've been listening to them for nigh on fourteen years, it'll be the first time I've seen them live. Jon caught them on their last tour, so I'm expecting plenty of post-show comments along the lines of "Sure they were good, but not quite as good as last time". Because that's the kind of petty, small person Jon is, just ask anyone. Anyway, it should be a great show, and the only thing I'm worried about is, well, the presence of a certain type of Tool fan. I'll let the band's singer, Maynard James Keenan, explain:
[You play] heavy music, and your record company, which has never owned an album anything like what you're doing, immediately markets you to the obvious stinky kid with the dreadlocks and the B.O. and the urine on his shoes because he's been sleeping in his own filth in a festival in the middle of the rain. They basically market right to that guy. And then you realize the only people showing up to your shows are those primates—these weird, cretin people… Then, let's say you're at a coffee shop, and you've got a friend sitting next to you, and you've been reading some Noam Chomsky, or you're reading The Onion, and you look over and see a bunch of kids [who] look like they could be made of cheese, because there are flies everywhere. And you go, "Hey, you want to go where they're going?" and everybody goes, "Fuck no." And they're wearing Tool shirts. Why would you want to go there? Why would anybody other than those kids wanna go see Tool if that's our representative in that area? So it ends up being a no-win situation. Of course, that's a completely extreme example.
Surely it's measure of our love for this band that we're willing to brave hordes of cheese people to hear their music. Then again, this is Melbourne. We're cultured and shit. There probably won't be any smelly, violent bogans at tonight's gig. Right?

Full report tomorrow.


Meredith said...

Cheese platters can be very cultured. Have fun!

genevieve said...

Well, excu-uuuse me, blogger of the year, but I beg to differ. Tool has been playing nonstop in this house for about four days. They sound exactly like the kind of band that kids with dreads and Tool shirts go to see. I think this is really a chicken and egg question (plus my dreadlocked baby son is in attendance - he's clean, but his shoes are a little smelly because of the BDO on Sunday.)
Anyway, the gig's outside, so what are you whingeing about, you smelly satirist? Eh??? :>

Jon said...

I thought that they were good, but not quite as good as last time.

Mind you, there weren't so many cheese folk as expected; thank the dark gods of rock that the pair of us were able to amply represent smelly, violent bogans everywhere.

Tim said...

lol You small, petty man, Jon! Actually I agree, and I didn't even see them last time.

The cheesies were in short supply. I probably should mention that the words "weird", "cretin" and "primates" pretty much sums up me and my friends circa ten years ago. I have nothing against "the kids", really, but if I don't complain about them occasionally I'll get thrown out of the aging farts' club. And they have a really good salad bar down there.

Now: bed!

TimT said...

Yeah, they're real c*ts that way, the ageing farts club.

The singer's called Maynard James Keenan? What were his parents, supply-side economist groupies?

genevieve said...

No doubt it will be one of those great US hybrid names, like Shelby Foote.
My son came home with a second Tool t-shirt, slightly bigger than the one he bought on Sunday, and asked if he could have it washed and 'shrunk just a little bit please'. Enjoy your salads, Timothy.

The Editor said...

Saw 'em in London in 2001 and the venue was full of exactly the ne'er-do-wells you describe. A God-bothering preacher mistook the sea of black t-shirts and greasy hair for a mob of Satan worshipers and set up his portable microphone and speaker opposite the door.

Those kids would never worship Satan. Their mums would ground them for a month.