Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Mean Cuisine

A new feature here at Sterne in which we review items from the popular sixth food group: the processed. First up:

Campbell's Velish

Canned soup is notoriously foul. Queen Victoria herself is said to have dropped the f-word when presented with a bowl of what appeared to be bloody saliva that her kitchen staff alleged was a decanted tin of tomato and basil soup. Luckily the good folk at Campbell's have put on their thinking socks and pondered the problem of how to make canned soup taste better. Their solution? Put it in a carton!

The weird thing is that it seems to have worked. Velish is not too bad at all. Pour it into a bowl, microwave it for a couple of minutes, prepare some buttered toast for dipping, crumbling and general mopping duties and you've got yourself a pretty good lunch. Having tried Velish you'll be throwing your old tinned soups in the bin, and possibly spitting on them in disgust, which will at least make a change from spitting them out in disgust.

So far I have tried two flavours: Roasted Vegetable With Garlic is like a good lover - smooth with the slightest hint of garlic; Provincial Vegetable is chunky but it's still soup, not a wannabe-stew concoction like some chunky soups. I also have a carton of Butternut Pumpkin in the pantry but I'm hesitant to try it. Some soups can be faked but Butternut Pumpkin isn't one of them.


genevieve said...

Youngest daughter has taken to purchasing novel supermarket items she sees other customers parading over her checkout. The worst so far is cheese in a (wait for it) CAN. It's like whipped cream, and looks like nothing I've ever seen. You can write with it. Truly gross.

Tim said...

Sounds revolting. Who knows what the future holds - steak in a can, maybe?

TimT said...

Bob Katter in a can, obviously. You can get pies in cans. As a matter of fact, in John Fardell's excellent children's book 'The Seven Professors of the Far North', a kindly scientist/uncle is especially fond of the Fray-Bentos canned pie. (His fond regard for this quaint British social institution is one of the virtues that marks him out from the villains of the book).

I've never tried canned pie myself, but have it on good authority that it is good, and in the comments to my linked pie post, my friend David gives instructions as to where they can be found and how they are to be coooked.

Tim said...

Pie-in-a-can sounds vile yet intriguing. If they could get a pie floater into a can then they'd be on to something. Something repulsive, that is.

Jo said...

I hate canned laughter.
No substitute for fresh.