Wednesday, September 05, 2007

The APEC Drinking Game

It's APEC time, and you know what that means - protesters, police baton charges, fulminating pundits, increased threat of terrorist attack and world leaders wearing floral jackets. If you find it all a bit too much to handle, the APEC Drinking Game might be for you.

You will need: functioning liver, things to drink, access to a range of corporate media.

The rules are quite simple: whenever one of the following things happens, you take the appropriate drink. Please note that vomiting is not only allowed but is actively encouraged.
  • Newspaper headline includes one or more of the following words: "SHAME"; "ANGER"; "FURY"; "UNAUSTRALIAN": drink shot of vodka. If headline includes exclamation mark, drink a further shot.
  • Andrew Bolt has apoplectic fit: drink two large gulps of beer or wine.
  • Awkward on-camera conversation between John Howard and any Asian leader: take a swig of whiskey or other hard spirit.
  • Phalli at the ready!: drink your choice of cocktail.
  • Morris Iemma looks stern: drink five raw eggs.
  • Protester wearing Che Guevara t-shirt: drink a six pack of Jack Daniels and Coke.
  • Reporter uses phrase "plastic cups of urine": drink plastic cup of urine.
  • Riot police remove or cover name badges: poke tequila worm up left nostril.
  • World leaders pose for group photo wearing ridiculous "cultural" jackets: drink the little bit of sick that has come into your mouth.
  • John Howard baffles assembled leaders with cricket references: skol fifty-two cans of VB.
  • Dirty bomb: drink everything you can lay your hands on.
Cross-posted at Snarkeology.


The Editor said...

I am SOOO going to win this game.

Ben.H said...

I thought it would be more likely that a well-meaning statesman politely drop a cricketing reference which goes completely over Howard's head.

Also, you left out: protestor dressed up as Death, misshapen black coffin made of cardboard.

Helen said...

But what would you drink with / for those, ben.h?

Ben.H said...

Case 1: A schooner of Pimms with a little umbrella with the boxing kangaroo on it.

Case 2: A student special (pot topped with Stones and/or cask of Stanley).

Ben.H said...

It's midnight in London and I just tuned into the ABC over the internet for the hell of it. I now have a tequila worm up my nose. And I'm loving it!