Thursday, January 24, 2008

Embafflement

Today's Peter "Spanky" Roebuck column starts off ok:
AUSTRALIA must not be waylaid by nauseating nationalists convinced that the defeat in Perth was caused not by a combination of absent friends and wayward bowling but by a sudden bout of politeness. Nor must it take heed of backslappers arguing that India's celebrations and appealing at the WACA Ground matched Australia's excesses in Sydney.
But then goes to strange, incomprehensible places:
That is to confuse joy with rage. Likewise, the umpiring was acceptable and even-handed. Only lamingtons imagine otherwise. The game is up for that lot. It is time to move on. It is debatable whether people born in this country should be allowed to vote. It is no achievement to emerge from a womb. They could just as well be in Winnipeg. Australia is best loved by its settlers.
Eh? Does does Mr "Like, OMG! Cancel the World Cup! Sack Ricky Ponting!" even have an editor anymore?

6 comments:

TimT said...

Does does Mr "Like, OMG! Cancel the World Cup! Sack Ricky Ponting!" even have an editor anymore?

Only lamingtons imagine otherwise, Mr Sterne!

genevieve said...

You've just reminded me that I forgot to buy Vegemite this morning. Silly old fourth-generation lamington I am. (Both of these remarks are true, actually.)

Jase the inswinging ace said...

i sent Roebuck this email on 24/1/08. i loathe the man

Dear Peter,
Your opinions on cricket make me ill.
When I hear your annoying smug tone on ABC radio, I turn it off.
When I pick up that big broadsheet and see your headline on it, I reach for a fork to poke into my eyes. I can imagine you slaving over a laptop in a tweed jacket and looking all pompous thinking you are the bees knees. I guess the type of paper you write in, befits the targeted audience. Last time I ever seen someone read one of them things was on a day trip to Manly when some pretentious bald arrogant excuse of a human being was moaning about something or other. I was too busy enjoying the hot chicks on the stern soaking up the rays. I guess I am a different breed to your lot. Incidentally, the only time I used that broadsheet was on a camping trip and the Thunderbox was not fully equipped.
When you talk cricket you have no credibility. Who did you play for and what did you do ?? I don't recall your name near Rick Pontings on the all time batting charts. I concede nor is my name but at least I don't go to sleep at night wishing and searching for excuses of how I could have been a Test cricketer. I gave it my best shot son and am happy with that. You seem to have a bee in your bonnet at Australians for being so invincible. You are beyond moronic.
When you talk about County Cricket you may as well be talking about Alaskans bobsleighing in Kabul for all I care. If County Cricket is so good, why don't you go back there and comment on that. How is England going by the way…..(in everything not just cricket). You have spoilt here but you still search for reasons to condemn.
I can't believe I am even writing to you. You probably have not even read any more than the first line. You probably have some underpaid junior who vets your mail and makes you cups of tea and butters your scones. In case you do get this far, I challenge you to reply with reasons for your Australian anger. I challenge you to not gloss me over ….substantiate yourself if you can. But you have probably read this with your glasses down your nose and tutting "pffft's" before deciding to reach for your slippers and pipe and chucking this in bin.
You are a joke mate. Loosen up and have a good long hard look at yourself. When you smile the whole world smiles with you, and as far as I am concerned there is no greater place on earth to do so than right here bucko.
Yours in mutual repugnance
Jase the Inswinging ace
An Aussie Battler from struggle Street who gave it a red hot go. And hey, I mightn't be a world champion cricketer, but at least I am not bitter about not making it

Tim said...

Gosh. Intense.

I enjoyed this from Wiki:

"[Roebuck] also captained an England one-day cricket team to defeat in Holland." (my italics)

That's certainly a feat that continues to elude Ricky Ponting and his men.

Ben.H said...

More Wiki fun: "Roebuck was named as a Wisden Cricketer of the Year in 1988."

An honour he shared with such luminaries as Neil Foster, David Hughes, and Jonathan Agnew.

Guy said...

I used to like the guy and thought he was one of the best cricket journos in the country, but the call for Ponting's head was implausible and unforgivable. I am not sure I can take him seriously again.