Saturday, March 01, 2008

Car Accident "Like Something Out of a Really Shitty Movie"

A two-car pile-up last night in the Sydney's outer west was, according to witnesses, "like something out of a really shitty movie".

Ryan Sodd, 23, said that he was walking his pitbull terrier when he witnessed the "totally unconvincing" collision.

"I saw this Fairlane cruising along doing maybe seventy or eighty when it suddenly stopped. Then this cop car appeared from nowhere and slammed into the back of the Fairline, went up on its left-side rims for about twenty metres - sparks flying everywhere - before flipping onto its roof. I was looking around for Gary Sweet or Lisa McCune because the crash looked that fake I thought they must've been shooting a telemovie in the area. I still reckon there was a ramp."

Megan Griece, 36, witnessed the accident from the doorway of her nearby bordello.

"The police car's siren made that pathetic 'wooo!' sound like they always do in bad American movies and then abruptly died. I was looking for cameras when this woman climbed out of the Fairlane and came running up to me. Her face was covered with blood and she was screaming at me to call an ambulance, but to be honest I didn't really buy her as a car crash victim. Too forced, like 'Hello, I'm acting here!'. It wasn't until she collapsed on the footpath and I noticed the steering wheel column protruding from her chest that I realised the whole thing was real."

Detective Inspector Garry Hayes, the police car's sole occupant, says that even he found the accident "barely convincing".

"I did feel it lacked a certain verisimilitude, yes. I'd just dodged a mother pushing a pram across the road and two men carrying a priceless painting down the centre line when suddenly there was this stalled Fairlane in front of me. I tried to keep my cool and remember what I learned at Police Academy - especially the fourth one, when Mahoney and Hightower chase those damn punk skaters - and I guess it was that training that kept me alive. Good thing, too - I'm only three days away from retirement."

3 comments:

Jeremy said...

LOL.

"When Marge went to the police academy, I thought it'd be funny and exciting, like that movie, Space Balls. But instead it was sad and depressing, like that movie, Police Academy."

Or words to that effect.

Mark Lawrence said...

You know, you had me there for a while. I even flinched and gasped at the protruding steering wheel column.

Then I got to the Police Academy bit.

Gullible? me? nah!

Los Angeles car accident attorney said...

Looks like they could have gotten a better Los Angeles car accident lawyer and everything would have been ok. Right :0